​I was in the grain room meditatively setting dinner grain when I abruptly heard someone screaming bloody murder in the indoor arena. I ran to see what the panic and chaos was but when I got there the scene didn’t match the screams. I was expecting to find a student on the ground, covered in dirt with a pony far away with wild eyes but instead the student was standing on her feet, in clean clothes with the pony quietly standing next to the instructor who was merely ten feet away. What in the world had happened? Come to find out, the pony (as all ponies do) got to the door and slowly tried to take his rider out of the arena and back to the paddock. This is his one party trick and he gives up hope with any indication that the student may be able to steer him away. Now, this student is a capable rider and has ridden this pony numerous times but this day she stopped riding. Instead, she made a halfhearted attempt to turn him and then proceeded to fling her body on his neck, scream her lungs out and jump off. No, he wasn’t spooking- he wasn’t even going faster than a walk… but she decided that it was too much and bailed (maybe she has practiced her “emergency dismount” too much?) The rest of her lesson was focused on how she wasn’t in any danger and about what she could have done for a more successful outcome. No ponies or kids were injured in the making of this story and this student will be back for her next lesson and hopefully can learn some valuable riding and life skills from this. 

Anyway, this got me thinking… I handle life situations the same way I handle a red mare spooking. There seems to be multiple approaches to riding a spooking horse.  I like to think of them like levels in karate; some being quite haphazard and ineffective and others leave the situation nearly better than you found it. 

​At the first level you have scenarios like the one above. The horse spooks, the rider takes that as a cue to lose their ever loving mind and escalate what could have been a manageable situation to something that stunt doubles should study. The rider basically throws all rational thought out the window, contorts their body in ways only found at the circus and hits the ground in the biggest heap they can manage. If they are really into the theatrics they also find a few notes that would put the fat lady at the opera out of business. Now, I imagine that these people are also the ones who, right about now, have entire fallout shelters made of toilet paper and go to the grocery store wearing gloves only to scratch their nose while pushing the shopping cart. This is also the level, like the White Belt in karate, that most valuable lessons for the higher levels are introduced. 

​The next level is for those who have realized that screaming = hitting the ground. The riders in this level have probably fallen off enough times to learn that you can either chose to fall off or chose to stay on. This is a tricky level because physics doesn’t care much about your decisions and a spooking horse doesn’t care much about physics. At least at this level the rider has learned that if they remain relatively present, they have a good chance of getting out of the situation with their feet still in the stirrups. Riders at this level have learned some form of emergency brakes, the power of the “grab mane and spin”, and the effective use of keeping their heels down. Now, I assume these riders are also those who are posting relatively conflicting news articles right now on Facebook. Some talk about how the economy needs to go back to normal and some talk about how everyone needs become hunters and gatherers rather than go to the grocery store. They’ve also posted a picture of how they just went to Dunkin Donuts and are now drinking their iced coffee through a hole in their mask. They will get through more hardship in life because they’ve mastered the power of problem solving when caught up in the pandemonium, even if it side tracks them once in a while.

​The highest level is saved for those who have honed their skills at the previous level enough to be elected to sit on the “crazy horses”. Some may call this level of rider senseless, while others may call it brave. I like to call them centered. They are like the ninjas who seem to subdue an entire gang without even blinking. These riders not only stay present while their horse is spooking, they add leg and adjust their plan to utilize the new energy. They can turn a spook into a piaffe, a bolt into a lengthening, and tension into expression. I like to think that these riders are also the ones who are turning their new found “down time” into opportunities for educational, personal or professional growth at home. They are most likely some of the first who transitioned to online business offers and who will come out of this slightly ahead of the curve.
 
I’m thankful that my red mare has taught me that some of the best training moments happen when I need to ride the spook. 

I was going to write about how having a red mare has given me years of honing my social distancing. About how the smallest circle Belle has is over 6’ so I know the “safe zone” well. I was going to be witty and talk about how maybe she has had it right this whole time: the only way to enjoy the company of another is without actually touching them. I was going to go a step further and talk about how my red mare has taught me so well that I have transferred this to my husband. That I probably now give off looks that could kill and that’s why he sits in his recliner at night instead of trying to share the couch with me.

I was then going to spin off into other things that I’m taking from the barn and using it weirdly. Like the fact that my long haired cat would really appreciate it if I had horses to be clipping and shedding out for Spring events rather than cornering him with the clippers instead. And how since I have no need to do a Spring Cleaning of my trailer, my closet has been reorganized 3 times. I also am struggling to know what to do with so many empty laundry baskets.

But, I decided that the meat of this needed to dive deeper. We’ve already busted out an impressive number of memes helping to laugh our way through this. I need to just tell you, this sucks. This sucks on so many levels I get overwhelmed just trying to decide what to talk about sucking first.

I took the entire show season off last year to train. To get my red mare and her brunette side kick more solid in their training. My goal for Belle was to come out at Novice and finish at Training, all while earning our Bronze in dressage. And man can I tell you, she has been feeling unstoppable. Isn’t that a funny expression? “Unstoppable”… well played, COVID19, well played. And to bring Maizie out at Training and be ready to go 2* in the south this winter… but she’s still rehabbing from tearing a tendon, and now is going on to 2 weeks without being worked because the shipment of Ace hasn’t come yet (stop ordering toilet paper people!) Don’t even try to tell me to ride her without Ace- I bought her to be my upper level horse for a reason and asking a fit OTTB to take 5 months off goes against nature. This sucks.

 My students have worked their butts off this winter improving their mental and physical game. They are more ready to compete than I have ever seen them. They’ve worked hard to learn the theory, to get over their demons, to keep showing up even when the weather told them to do otherwise. And again, we get it COVID19… you’re bigger and badder than a -20* wind chill. This sucks.
My business has been the busiest it has ever been and my goal numbers were starting to be met. I had 4 levels of Academy full, Camp scheduled for the entire summer, Working Students lined up, and even had sponsors for my horse shows (with some awesome prizes!). This sucks.
I had finally started seeing the light at the end of the vet bill tunnel. Because, man, a tendon repair surgery and 3 tooth extraction surgeries are even more expensive than they sound. This sucks.

Yes, life will go on. Yes, shows will start again and the horses and students will be even better when they do. Yes, the business will prevail. Luckily we have an amazing community and we have enough in the works to make ends meet. Yes, my vet bills will get paid… actually, that’s a lie- they’ll just get replaced with different causes of vet bills and I learned to bear that cross long ago. Yes, I will pick myself up by the spur straps, put on a smile and keep on keepin’ on. But for today, while I write this… all of it sucks.

I have been feeling a lack of ambition to ride… I mean, I love riding and enjoy training more than competing but it’s tough to have gotten so close with being so ready only to have the timeline moved. ((This must be what that horse chasing the carrot feels like)) So, I decided that I am going to keep my goals set on the days they were set for and hold myself accountable to being able to have brought my A game at the show. Instead of trucking to a show, I will be recording my tests and finding a judge willing to score them remotely. My first show was supposed to be a dressage show where I rode two 2nd Level tests. I’m still going to plan to be able to get qualifying scores from both of them.
I still have a lot to do to prepare for my first event. We still aren’t jumping whole courses at the height and we haven’t done a single trot set. So, I’ll train like I’m heading to the show and will hold my own “show” that day instead.  I plan to be able to, again, ride my test and aim to get below a 25% (she’s a DQ, ok?!)…then I’ll head out for some trot sets and count each major spook or every time my legs get tired as a 20…  then I’m going to set a SJ course at the height and ride it as smooth as possible, counting all faults. I know it’s not the same as an actual event… but it’s more than riding the couch for the next few months.

For my students… I have to help them find ways to stay motivated too. I can’t be the only one feeling like I was dumped into the water jump at a muddy horse trial. I’m working on ways to challenge their fitness and also give them ways to keep their goals set. The hard thing about the internet is that you can’t ride it, so I’m going to have to get creative there. Luckily the pressure from needing to solve that puzzle will help distract me from feeling utterly crushed for them.
 
The unmounted lessons can happen remotely and I will have some of the smartest and most knowledgeable young riders on this side of the Mississippi. We will find ways to tap into their fitness- maybe some workout videos with the red mare stare in the background need to happen? We will find ways for them to connect to their horses and each other so they can still get some of the benefits of their barn friends- Google Hangout never got to hang out in the paddock before! If I can find ways to keep them engaged just think of how BA they will be once back on the horse!

So, for today my red mare has taught me to pin my ears when things aren’t going my way but to know deep down that keeping a sense of who I am is most important. I plan to use Spring for all it has to offer and to let it remind me that even in the dreariest of days, the beauty of the world is hard at work getting ready to bloom.

For the past year, the relationship I have developed with my red mare has evolved more than the past 5 combined. It started last winter when I spent countless circles panic-galloping while she cried it out and learned to settle herself. This concept of teaching her to self soothe was a massive turning point in not only her processing but also in how I approached situations with her and also other horses. (I’ll try to sit down and give this method its own post) Before this approach, I constantly was trying to keep the lid on her anxiety and survive most situations by TELLING her she was okay instead of teaching her to decide that she could handle it on her own. In my defense, I really was just hoping to survive because as you know… this red mare is a true believer in react first, think second. She was like riding a pot of milk you were trying to get to boil. One second you’re not hot enough and the next you’re having to turn the burner off because the milk is all over the stove. So, when Tik explained that she needed to feel ok with seeing the world and get good at bringing her own anxiety back under boiling point things really started to fall into place. Now, almost exactly a year after those first terrifying days of “just let her gallop until she decides to stop on her own”, Belle and I have a much smoother transfer of responsibility. 

​My responsibility is to be fair in what I ask of her, ride to the best of my ability, keep myself in balance emotionally and physically, and trust her. Her responsibility is to look ahead, manage her own reactions and emotions, and to trust me. So when I have worked on our simple changes or hand gallop and her anxiety starts to go up because her reactions and foot work had to get quicker, it is her responsibility to simmer herself down and it’s my job to let her. This also means that it’s her job to see the jump and quiet herself in the approach to it and it’s my job to be patient to it and trust that she makes good choices. 

We as riders… in the rat race to the upper levels, in the only hour between dropping the kids off at basketball and picking them up for dance, in the fear that our horse may break(our heart)… need to stop trying to control our horses to the point of crushing their self regulation. There are days that our horse won’t be in the mind set to do a picture perfect 30 minute flat ride, there are days that our horse won’t have the mental capacity to go for a hack in a calm 4 beat walk, there are days that our horse won’t be up for the add in the 5 stride, and we need to keep our priorities straight so that we don’t just force their head between their knees so we can get it checked off the list. In these times, practicing a transfer of responsibility is more important than the git-er-done. When Belle isn’t in the mind set for a supple short flat ride, we walk and work on her being responsible for her 50% of the contact rather than me taking 80% to get through w/t/c. When Belle’s tea kettle is whistling when we set out on our hack, we jig with my hand on my neck strap so I don’t interfere with her settling herself to the walk. When Belle isn’t in the “let’s add one more stride” club, we trot all of the fences for the day while she gains responsibility for her own balance. You see, my responsibility is to put her in scenarios where she can figure out how to cope and make the best decisions for herself and in return keep me safe.

​In light of recent news and activity in the Eventing world, this idea of transferring responsibility seamlessly back and forth between rider and horse is, in my opinion, crucial. This idea of transferring responsibility goes into each jump of each course too. I used to love the saying “Jumping is just dressage with jumps in the way”, but now I’m more cautious with that. In dressage the rider needs the horse to be obedient and follow exactly what the rider cues. But in jumping I feel that too many riders are taking the expectations from dressage too literally. We shouldn’t want our jumping horses to follow every single cue without question. I want a horse that knows their job better than I do and who says “nah, I think you’re wrong about that one” when it’s warranted. If my horse doesn’t feel empowered to take responsibility for their job I don’t want to be galloping it toward solid obstacles. So, the transfer of responsibility lies in the fact that it’s my job to know the course, to explain to my horse what type of balance we will need for the upcoming jump, and to then stay quiet enough in the conversation for them to make a plan. Really, saying “Jumping needs balance and rhythm like dressage with a forward looking horse” gets the message across a little clearer if you ask me. 

The relationship between responsibility and safety goes for student and instructor too. I think it’s important to teach my students to advocate for themselves and often wonder how many other instructors are doing the same. Birds push their young out of the nest to teach them to fly; humans expect their young to follow in line obediently until they magically should know how to care for themselves and blame them for not paying attention when in fact they rarely had opportunities to practice. So when young riders come to me, I try to teach them how to advocate for their horse by asking me questions and be able to sort through training obstacles on their own by asking themselves questions. We all agree that the days of barn rats, kids building jumps out of anything in the junk pile, and ponies being galloped down miles of road to pony club are long gone. So with that, we need to actively teach the newer generations how to think for themselves and their horse more than ever. It is my responsibility to instill the knowledge and confidence for students to be able to make their own choices in the barn and on the course, but it is also my responsibility to listen to those students when their educated opinions differ from mine. I try hard to find the line between “it wasn’t perfect, do it one more time” and “do you think you’d be successful if you did it again”. This is not only an important life lesson for them to stand on their own 2 feet, but it’s a safety issue. I want them to learn that they need to listen to their horses the same way I try to listen to them. “One more time” doesn’t work unless everyone in the equation has committed to it. 

​The dictionary defines responsibility as “the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something” and “the opportunity or ability to act independently and make decisions without authorization”. Teaching my red mare how to deal with her emotions and own her decisions has been one of the most rewarding things I have ever done.

​This is what Eventing is about. 

​As I had mentioned in a few posts this Spring I was a bit at a cross roads with where to go with my riding goals next. I had focused so hard on getting my barn up and tried really hard to not push Belle faster than she could go that I kind of got going in circles with my personal goals. I am so proud of the barn and the community that I have built here but I don't want my physical barn or my lesson program to be what defines me completely. 

 I think that Belle is something special and she has taught me more than I could ever pay a trainer to teach me, but she's still taking time and I need to make some big progress soon. I have always been a rider who is willing to take the horses no one wants (usually because no one can handle them) and turn them into something better. But as Kyle Carter wrote about in a recent article, "Don't just be good at riding bad horses". (click here to read the article) Well, I'm not only good at it... it's all I have known for the past 10 years. So, I decided that competing at the FEI level was my next goal and I needed a horse who was uncomplicated enough to do it. The thing about the complicated horses is that it takes years to sort out the puzzles and teach them to mentally stay with you as you work on harder things. Even when you have a system for them, you're still taking a lot of baggage into each show ring with you and hoping that you've packed it well enough to survive the ride. I enjoy these puzzles and like being able to calmly show a horse who once was explosive, but this wasn't conducive to my new goals and as I have discussed many times, Belle isn't a sure thing. So, my search for a new horse began.

​​My criteria for a new horse was:
SOUND- like really, really, really sound.
SMART- like you can see their wheels turning in new situations and they come up with super great solutions. 
SLIGHTLY PROVEN- one who has done a few events, likes to jump, etc. I didn't want to have to start 100% at the beginning and hope they jumped well (um, like the red mare I already had!)

I took a phenomenal horse on trial, but she was barely broke and didn't quite pass the vet... sadly I had to pass on her. ((See, I tend to break my own rules... barely broke does not equal even slightly proven!))

I vetted a gelding who had been doing the jumpers... he almost passed the vet until we Xrayed his hocks and found a super odd anomaly that would have been detrimental to my whole goal.

After those 2 (and looking at a million more) I had decided to wait and look for one this winter. But then I was scrolling through Facebook one day and saw a post by a young professional who was looking for the exact same thing that I was looking for. There were quite a few responses so I decided to look through them, just in case. I saw a lot of very nice ads with pictures and video links but none caught my eye. Then I saw "I have one" written by Maya Simmons. That was it, she just wrote those few words with no pictures or anything and I was hooked. I replied to her comment and asked her to send me more information. She sent me a message telling me about this little black mare she has who was "the real deal". She sent me a picture of her from a year ago when she was still at the track, a super short jumping video and then a short flat video. Her conformation picture from the track was not one that would have made me lust for the horse but she looked incredibly happy jumping in the video and she looked sound. I looked up her USEA record and saw that her dressage scores were less than impressive (what you'd expect from a fresh off the track Thoroughbred) but she had jumped well at Novice, Training and had just run a Modified. She was located in Southern Pines, NC and next thing I knew I was pricing out plane tickets (oh, did I mention she was priced at $10,000 above my budget? Yea, I don't know what I was thinking either.) But something about her called to me. I had a few other geldings on my list in NY and I had a plan to drive down to see them when Maya sent me a message telling me she was moving the horses to PA to get out of the hurricane. Well, next thing I knew I had re routed my trip and headed to Pennsylvania! When I arrived there was this super bleached out, thin necked horse sleeping on the cross ties with its ears flopped to either side. I almost thought Maya was joking when she said "that's her!". She did NOT look like the vision of my next horse that I had in my head but hey, I had driven all this way so I might as well try her. We had to hack down the road to get to the arena, and she was a peach. I rode this 6 year old OTTB who had just been on the trailer for a day down a main road with one hand on the buckle of the reins. She was like one of those old trusty lesson horses that you let the beginners on for their first trail ride. I thought, "no way is this horse the eventing machine that I'm looking for!". But when we got to the arena and I picked up the reins and put her to work, she came alive! She wasn't nearly as strong in her flat work as she needed to be but she willingly tried to do everything I asked of her and she gave me a super feeling in the saddle. I aimed her at a cross rail and she popped over it like it was cake. I then aimed her at something a bit bigger and she perked up a little, read the jump and sailed over it like it was made for her. I had no idea what to do with this incredibly steady, smart, brave jumping machine! I fell in love with her right then!

I decided to stay near by over night since Maya offered to bring her XC schooling the next day. I loaded and unloaded this little puppy dog with ease and then we lead the young horse that Maya had brought to ride over the ditches and up the banks like she was a seasoned veteran. Then she became a rocket ship as I galloped her around the field and launched over some fences. I had to learn how to NOT help her and just stay out of her way. I felt like I could conquer the world on top of this little horse! Maya and her business partner were incredibly generous by dropping her price to make it possible for her to be mine. I can't ever thank them enough for such an opportunity. The last thing was that I desperately needed her to be as solid as I thought she was. Maya was able to help  get a vet out while I was still there and that vet was able to send all info to my vet the same day and both agreed that she most definitely was sound for her job. ​

​I then had to work fast to get a trailer to be able to pick her up in PA before they headed back to NC in a couple days. I was lucky to find someone who could do it and she arrived home at 3:30 am three days after I had tried her! I am a firm believer in the fact that horses find you, you don't find them and if all of these stars aligning is any sign of how truly amazing this girl is, she will be more than I could have ever hoped for! 

Now that I've had her home for a couple of months, I can't begin to rave about her enough! She is such a wonderful type of energy to be around. The kind of soul that makes you feel at peace even when things are going awry. She is self assured without being pushy. She is quiet without being dull. She is smart without anticipating. She is sensitive without being over reactive. Other horses enjoy being around her, even Belle is happy to share a paddock with her! 

​We are planning to spend the winter getting her stronger and more supple on the flat, luckily Belle gave me such a great education on getting a weak horse supple and elegant that it will be great to take that to riding her. I have no plans to jump this winter but I have no doubt that her jumping ability will only be better the next time I aim her toward a jump! 

So, without further ado... meet Maizie May! The calm to Belle's storm, the yin to Belle's yang, and more than I could have ever hoped for in a partner for my new journey!

Every week I have said "I need to find time to sit and write my next blog post". Well, it has been about 16 weeks of that but here we are! A lot has been happening, between running summer camps here, getting to lessons, shows, teaching, coaching and trying to find some time for my better half I just haven't been able to make a blog post my priority. But that doesn't mean that there hasn't been plenty to write about, so here's a very quick review...

August 6- Belle's 5th Gotchya Day: She has come so far since the first time I laid eyes on her in a very brief ad on the CANTER website! She has always been a puzzle but she makes me earn everything and I am so proud of how far we have come and the rider I have become because of her!

August 10- GMHA HT: Belle had a really great dressage test, putting us 2nd in a large group. I over rode some of the SJ but we had a very nice round with 1 unfortunate rail at the last fence. XC was a blast! We had one stop at an A-B combination but it was just a green moment and learning opportunity for both of us. She recovered and jumped the B really well and felt super bold the whole course! We didn't come home with a ribbon, but lot of confidence is always better! 
​
August 16- We were invited to be a rider for the ICP jumping workshop at Hitching Post Farm. Belle was a solid citizen the whole day! She jumped all of the jumps with ease and confidence!

August 18- My 6th wedding anniversary! Definitely the best choice I've made so far!

​August 19- Huntington Farm HT: I had purposefully done a lot with her the week leading up to this, because in the past she seemed to need to either stay "turned on" or she would get overwhelmed. Dressage warm up had more tension than I'd have liked and our test wasn't my favorite but we got it done. She felt a little funky in XC warm up so I decided to see how the course went and was wiling to pull her up if it just wasn't our day. But with a little more encouragement than usual she made it through the course. It wasn't as bold as GMHA but she also needs to find a bit of "git'er done" so it was good practice for that. SJ wasn't super but again, she  got it done and I'm proud of her effort- this was a long way from that awful first attempt at showing! All in all it was a mediocre day but we came home safely and I learned what she needs between shows a bit better.

September 4- Scarlet Apple HT: It was HOT!!! Warm up was wonderful, but she had a few uncharacteristic mistakes in our test. Again, a good "git'er done" experience for her. SJ was BOLD, she felt great, but I almost needed better breaks! XC was also super bold and I could feel that she knew exactly what to do out there and I got to just let her do it! We may have been a little faster than BN time, but she felt good so I let her keep her confidence. We had a stop at the drop which put us out of the ribbons but all in all it was a magnificent last show of the season!!!!!

September 15- I made an impromptu drive to Unionville, PA to try a horse... bought said horse 9/17. (separate blog to come!!!)

September 18- Jump lesson with Kirk Webby- A LOT of pieces came together in this lesson :) Ride forward between the fences so that you can settle before the fence was the biggest "ah ha" for us!

October 7- Jump lesson with Eric Smiley- I finally feel like I have a jumping horse!!!!! Continued exactly what I had figured out in my lesson with Kirk and it was a great day of jumping.

​October 22- Tik Maynard visited for an awesome day of ground work and jumping lessons. With Belle, it was more of the same (ride more forward between the jumps) but we also need to figure out how to shift gears faster and have her brain stay at a more constant, more settled speed.

November 3- I bought a new truck!!!

November 8- Belle, Maizie and I headed to the Equine Affaire to participate in clinics with Tik (separate blog to come)

Although this post is a little more like I'm typing minutes to a meeting, it's nice to put it all down on paper (computer) and look at it. I hope sometime soon you can write down what you've accomplished in the last few crazy months and be impressed with what's on the list! 

There have been many times where I thought of selling Belle... I had originally bought her as a sales project, but she seemed to light something within me that made me hold on to her much longer than planned. She was more of a project than I had bargained for but I always had this voice, my overly ambitious bleeding heart voice, telling me that she was a special horse. Maybe if I just waited until the end of the year, or "X" amount more months, or until I thought she would be safe with someone else (for her safety more than theirs). And I would stick to the allotted time given to either see the improvement I had talked about or not, and she would always rise to the occasion. First, I just wanted her to finish growing and was willing to wait until that magical 8th year where they generally find their brains (and bodies). At that point she was my #2, so I could happily wait. Second, I wanted to give her a full season of showing (dressage, since jumping created fireworks) to see if she would figure it out. We were scoring well and getting a lot of red ribbons- red ribbons become taunting after a while, FYI- so she stayed a little longer. I really just wanted to get her physically sound before some a*hole didn't listen to her when something was wrong... It took me 4 years but she's finally physically coming into her own. Most smart people wouldn't have held on to a horse for 4 years "waiting" for them to become sound, but that spark she had lit inside of me kept burning. I had come that far, so I wanted to see if she would figure out this jumping thing. After Spot, my show jumping was unconventional to say the least. So I had to spend some time putting my head back in the game before placing all (some) of the blame on her. It took some creativity but she finally stopped exploding after the fences and started to jump. I figured I'd take her to SC and give her a mini boot camp while we couldn't be productive in the muddy tundra in NH. She did well, but her form was funky and she was slow to think. This spring, I decided to give her until September (one year of jumping) to see if she would learn to be an event horse, and if she liked the job. It's now July, and her form still needs polishing. but we are far from being eliminated on the first center line or exploding like it's the 4th of July after the cross rail. The jury is still out on whether she truly wants to play the game or not (fingers crossed she does!) but I'll just keep plugging away at it and see what she says by September.

I have known since I was 8 that I was going to have my own barn and train horses. I kept sight of that goal through teachers saying I couldn't, horses sending me to the ER, and my dad desperately hoping that I'd find a more solid career (you know, one with more benefits than wondering if it's a tan or dirt). Like my time limits for Belle, looking back, I find that I do the same for myself. All of them have been based around that 8 year old's dream. In order to keep my big goal in focus, I'd make small goals for life around that. Things like: "When I can ride Spot in dressage without rearing, we can event". "When Spot can have a second job, I'll focus on Belle". "When I build the barn, I'll have only one job". Or for those who find it their business to ask, "When's the baby coming?" I used to tell them, "after the barn was up". So, for the first time in 21 years, I am left needing to create a new BIG goal to work toward (and to keep those waiting for the baby still waiting!).

I'm currently reading In The Middle Are The Horsemen by Tik Maynard. This book is so open, honest and real, he makes you feel like you're two old friends talking about life over a pint of beer. It is impressive that such an accomplished horseman and rider (yes, I think he deserves both titles separately) is able and willing to be so humble and raw about his "late" entry into such an amazing adventure. He writes about this burning desire to learn and grow and his journey of continuously realizing that he still doesn't know all there is to know about horses (or himself). Coupled with his story, I have talked with my Working Student and a few of my high school riders about their certainty, or lack there of, of their next chapter. Not having such a solid and vivid goal for the first time in my life is terrifying, yet exciting. I think, like Tik and many of us, I want to learn what I don't know. While I'm not completely certain how I am going to accomplish this, for now I have learned it best from my horses... just keep going forward.

​Last weekend we headed to our 3rd event, ever, at Huntington Farm. She had just spent a week at camp, hacking and jumping far more than flatting, and I hoped her head was still very much so there. I knew she was a little tired, but she's a fit Thoroughbred and the weather looked like it would be kind. She was tense in the dressage warm up, but stayed with me when she thought of fleeing back to the trailer. She tried hard to maintain composure during the test and I appreciated her efforts, after all... we know she can be a fancy prancing pony! XC was put on a major hold due to a broken fence, and later to find out broken collar bone, but she handled the wait well. She warmed up with a little party after the cross rail, then saw the vertical with precision. Once over the oxer and once over the coop and we headed to the start box. She was calm and cool and headed out with confidence. She was much braver on course and felt like she was working hard to remember our homework. I will admit, galloping her is my favorite. Especially down that back stretch through the trees of Huntington. The shade is always a welcomed feeling after galloping through the steamy hay fields and up the hill. There was a little discussion about how she needed to NOT jump the Training level last fence, but we crossed through the finish flags with no major bobbles. I'm not sure who was more thrilled- me or her. Show Jumping warm up was good. She didn't feel tired, more like settled. I trotted fence 1, had a funky line to 2, we both stared at 3 and then we found our mojo at 4. The rest of the course was smooth, like a well practiced dance where I lead but she added the style and flair. We finished with zero penalties. I had no clue where we were in the standings. I had "almost gone for a trail ride" as the dressage judge joked when I almost forgot to circle at C, and trotted lots of the XC course so I had assumed that my time knocked us out of the ribbons. I was fine with that, I was here to build confidence so the day was a victory to me. As they were pinning the division, I headed back toward the trailer. They were up to 4th now and still hadn't called my number, so it seemed safe to go untack. Then they called 3rd, then 2nd "Number 94, Emily Tasker on Bellatariat". Wait, WHAT? Oh shoot! I re tightened my girth, wrapped my running attachment around my breastplate a second time and had Bryan help me hop on. We trotted like the hot-mess-express into the ring for our victory gallop. I couldn't help but laugh at how surreal it all was. My, once, wild red dragon earned a ribbon in her 3rd event! 

 Last week Belle and I headed to GMHA for me to be an instructor at their Junior Horsemanship Clinic. For those of you who don't know what this is... it's a magical place nestled in the Green Mountains where ponies and their kids take over for a little over a week. Honestly, it's pretty amazing! There were 71 campers (and their horses) and 18 staff. Yes, you read that right... there were about 4 kiddos per adult and very few shenanigans.

​​Between 7 instructors, all campers rode twice a day in small groups. So, that means that I got to teach new riders for 6 hours a day. We do our best to match the skill levels in the group but they all come from different backgrounds so we get to focus on slightly more general topics and use exercises that teach their own lessons. At first, the riders were frustrated that their horses weren't being perfect and that they couldn't prove that they were the fanciest riders at camp. But when I (and the other instructors) didn't worry at all about their imperfections, they refocused on the lesson plans and the outcome was remarkable! Things stopped being manufactured, hands and elbows became soft, horses relaxed into a regular rhythm, riders started noticing things in other riders, they helped each other sing the alphabet around the jump course, they started feeling instead of forcing, and they all HAD FUN! 

​This camp is such an amazing experience for many reasons, but I think that my favorite is being able to watch some pretty cool transformations in such a short amount of time. One of the riders in my group had never ridden outside of the arena. She was used to riding well behaved Hunter ponies who wouldn't dream of taking a wrong step and she had borrowed a super awesome eventing pony for this camp. Now, all of us eventers know that our horses love this sport just as much as we do and part of the reason we all do it is to gallop at jumps. This rider not only got to learn to control her eventing machine, but gained the skills and confidence to take her in the field and jump. This rider, along with many others, also started to have more fun with her pony during their down time. Now, I don't know about you but my heart can't help but grow when I see a girl teaching her pony to follow her to jump puddles in the rain. A few of my riders were so serious ((nervous)) at the first lesson that I couldn't tell if they even liked to ride. By the end of the second day they were singing, laughing and cheering each other on and successfully jumping through "The Circle of Death" with one hand on their helmet and both feet out of their stirrups. 

My next favorite part of camp is the group of instructors that all end up moving our horses in to one barn and all living under one roof. So much of the time we are either brushing by each other at shows trying to empower our riders to make it safely through their rounds or riding "against" each other at shows hoping that we get through the rounds. It's really an amazing thing to have such wonderful horsewomen and instructors in one place all focused on the exact same cause and to have time to spend talking about it. There aren't many people in my day to day life who know all of the ins and outs of managing horses, managing their owners, training horses and teaching riders how to feel and handle a living animal. There also aren't many people who eat (microwaveable meals or cereal), sleep and breathe horses with as much passion as me. Not only is it amazing to be able to have "oh yea, me too" moments, it's also amazing that we all have a slightly different way of teaching but are working toward the exact same goal- a happy, healthy, forward and balanced horse. It was so fun for all of us to watch each other teach, hear different phrases and see new exercises.

​​Belle came with me to camp last year and we could barely go for a hack each morning without plenty of friends and lots of spooking. I also could barely jump her over a flower box without having it result in a fiery red explosion. It was also the week when I decided that we were going to event or bust. This week, only one year later, we were going on confident morning walks even over the bridges and through the water all by herself. She jumped all the jumps with such a calm and confident expression. It was so fun to hear the other instructors who were there last year notice how much she has changed and how great she looks. 

The real reason anyone would go to summer horse camp is to have fun. If yours isn't... we can't be friends. I don't care how old you are or how fancy (or not) your pony is, find a way to take some time and have some fun! I know my red mare appreciates it. 

Photo credits to Abby Rowlee Photography!

​Last year, I spent the entire year trying to get Belle to stop spooking in a dressage test. We had to retire from the first 2 tests we did last Spring because we barely got down the first centerline. By the end of the year she was still being spooky but was also bored and so was I. I spent all fall and winter working on getting her jumping confidently and getting my position, timing, and eye back to where it used to be. As you know, she jumped in Aiken like a champ and was calm, confident and focused both in SJ and XC. Although we had a few set backs, she was feeling like a million bucks over fences. 

The Groton House Farm 2 Phase was our first 2 phase and first jumping show and she was feeling great both on the flat and over fences, so we were pumped! It was a H.O.T day so our warm up was brief. She was focused and listening and handled the atmosphere like she had been to a million shows and won them all. The whistle blew and she laid down a super solid test. Everything that I asked her to do she did. She went down both centerlines like they were made for her and I think I heard the mic drop as we saluted. I was so proud of my red mare... for even getting down the centerline! We were FAR in first after that test with a 19 (OMG... our scored ened with TEEN!!!) When I took her out for SJ she was calm and cool. She jumped the cross rail in text book form and then crashed into the vertical. I have no clue what happened. I felt her lock on to it, she powered up like we were going over and then she must have realized how big the field was and all of a sudden became overwhelmed. So, I patted her, lowered the fence and trotted it. She was somewhat willingly jumping after that but it was like someone let the air out of her tires. We headed over to the ring before our time, half knowing that I couldn't do anything else for her but give her a shot at jumping jumps she hadn't run into yet. The second I entered the ring, I could feel her eyes get wide and her become overwhelmed. I trotted the first fence to give her some extra time to focus but we stopped anyway. She then jumped that one but stopped at the next. She then just body slammed that one and I knew she wasn't emotionally ok. I tried for the 3rd but she just wasn't able to compose herself. That earned us a big old "E". Since it was a schooling show and I had paid for a second round, they lowered the 3rd one and we trotted over it twice and retired. I was so heartbroken for her. My little jumping bean lost her mojo and I didn't know how to help. I patted her and hoped that she thought we won.

The following weekend we headed to GMHA for her first event. I had no expectations and was just planning to listen to her and make sure I didn't let her get in over her head. Since looking forward was our issue, we galloped in both the Dust Bowl and Upwey arena the night before. Our dressage test was tense since she was waiting to be able to gallop again, but my eye was on SJ. As I called for the cross rail, I told her that it was time for her to tell me what she thought... she answered with a confident jump. I called for the vertical and she jumped the thing like she had been given wings and I was finally letting her fly. Ok, on to the course. I took a super long tour around the arena after our salute the arena and watched the clock count down. I wanted her to see as much of that place as she could before we started jumping. We approached the first fence well, but she slammed on the breaks last minute. We came around again. She didn't even hesitate and I couldn't help but let out and incredibly exuberant "GOOD GIRL!!!". She landed searching for the next jump and locked herself onto it. She questioned the third but ultimately decided to use those wings. I let out another "GOOD GIRL", knowing that I sounded crazy but she liked it and that was all that mattered. The rest of the course was just about getting her to let me put her eyes on the fences and by the last one she was on a roll. She left out an entire stride before the last fence, which made me let out a "WOO" but that was her plan and she was proud of it. I was SO proud of her! The amount of "bounce back" this girl has is amazing! 

​XC Day was a long day of waiting but I didn't care what happened as long as she walked off the course feeling safe and confident. She warmed up like she was getting ready for the Olympics and left the start box positively. The first log was relatively easy but we had two stops at the 2nd fence. She questioned the 3rd and 4th fence but went when I told her to. We had a stop at the 5th, but it was justifiable for a super green horse as there were a lot of things to take in. After getting over the 5th, I knew she could to the rest of the course and rode it a bit more aggressively. We trotted A LOT so that she could take in the sights before focusing on the fence, but each jump added more and more confidence. We finished the course with 3 stops and a lot of time added but she went through the finish flags! 

I have revamped the rest of our show season to continue to give her more confidence rather than challenge her. But I am incredibly optimistic that once this little red mare gets the game, she's going to be a force to be reckoned with.

​As an eventer, I am humble. Not necessarily always because I want to be, but because just when you think you've got it, this sport can pull you down and knock you around and remind you who's boss. 

Belle has been going AMAZINGLY this winter and I was so excited to be starting her first event season with the first show in our area this Spring. She was fit, happy, and game! Totally ready for her debut and I couldn't think of a better first show than one that was only 30 min away from home and at a venue she has been to may times before. 

The Friday one week from the show, Belle came in with a hole in her leg. UGH! Only the eventing gods can tell you how she did it, but she had a laceration in her front left leg that definitely pulled her out of the show. I was so worried about her, bummed about the show, sad that we couldn't go on with our plans for the next few weeks and all around blue. I have poured my heart, soul and savings account into figuring this mare out and just when we seem to be doing good, WHAM! 

BUT... she didn't hurt anything important! She missed her suspensory tendon, deep digital flexor tendon, tendon sheath, and check ligament all by a hair... She never went lame and never got overly swollen. Thanks to Dr. Calitri of Seacoast Equine, she is healing beautifully!

​​So, instead of wallowing in sadness about her injury... I turned the tables and made lemonade (with some vodka thrown in) out of this big old lemon.

Belle got cellulitis in Aiken and has had some funky swelling in that back leg since we got home and she lost quite a bit of weight on the trip so I was trying to figure out when I could give her a little down time. While I wasn't looking to give her 2 weeks off, I guess the universe thought she needed it. She handled stall rest like a champ and we got to "just be" together out on walks and around the farm. 

I was also trying to figure out if and how I should bring Spot back into my schedule and possibly take him to some shows, so again... the universe answered. Instead of scratching the show, I changed the entry to him and spent the week getting him ready. I knew he was feeling good, but he was almost a different horse at the show. We killed it in our rainy, sloppy, cold dressage test earning a 27.9. He was a rock star in SJ warm up and never batted an eye or seemed overwhelmed in the stadium ring (which used to be our kryptonite) . At one point I realized how awesome he was and for some reason over rode a fence (cuz that makes sense?!) and pulled a rail, but he recovered and completed the course like he had never been worried about it before! XC was a blast, and felt WAY too small (!!!) and he was super responsive and alert. He handled the super sloppy footing and slippery grass like it wasn't even there and acted like he ate XC for breakfast. 

My take away...
Belle needed time off and at least it was at the beginning of the season. 
Spot needs to got back to work so he can be a super star.
The footing on XC was much more suited for a seasoned horse instead of a sensitive greenie
When horses knock you down: tuck, roll and pop back up like it was planned all along. 

I am so thankful that Belle is ok and super happy that I got to see how ready Spot is for round 2 of his eventing career! 

​As all good horsemen know, horses appreciate it when the rules are black and white. They like to know who is in charge, because then they feel safe. They like boundaries and clear expectations. Most people who spend their down time around horses, though, seem to struggle with the true meaning of this. 

Being clear isn't about being dominant. It is about having the confidence to say what you want boldly, believably, and "loud" enough for someone to be able to follow the directions. Horses naturally want to please us. They want us to keep their world simple and safe. So when we muddy the waters by sometimes having clear expectations and sometimes asking them for their opinion/leaving it totally up to them, they don't understand. 

The books say that when we are riding, we want to seek out a soft connection in the bridle. This, to may riders, means that we have to always be super soft (read: unsteady) in the reins. I say, "you need to be as loud as they need you to be in order to hear you". As an instructor, if I were to sit in the corner of the arena and speak in my library voice, no one would want to ride with me because they wouldn't be able to understand their lesson. They would continually be asking me to repeat myself, or just guess at what I was saying the whole time. I need to speak as loudly as they need my to to hear their instructions or it's a waste of their time.

When I teach new riders, I encourage them to keep their elbows connected to their front pockets in order to create consistency in the bridle. Yes, their elbows should be elastic but the bit needs to not wiggle in the horses' mouth. When your elbows connect to your hips, then your reins connect to your legs and you can start to complete the circle. I see riders all the time where they are "riding them forward to the connection" but there is zero connection to ride toward. Only when you create a clear line of communication, and a set expectation of where the contact should be then you can ride their energy forward to it. If we are all seeking to have 100% contact, roundness, throughness... whatever you want to call it... then we need to be willing to pick up our 50% so that the horse can pick up theirs. I repeat, you need to be WILLING to pick up your 50% based on how loudly your horse needs you to, not how softly/strongly you want to. If you are only willing to be responsible for 30% (because you want to be soft like to book says) then you will never teach your horse how to pick up their 50%. If you aren't willing to push your horse to take their 50% and allow them to sneak an extra 15% on to your side (by curling wrists, low energy, long reins etc) then that's not going to work either. And for horses who tend to take more than their 50%, you need to find a way to regain balance... both literally in their body and in the relationship between the two of you... and take your 50% clearly so that there is no question. 

​This idea of 50/50 should travel with you anywhere you go. My red mare loves when I am always the leader, but not a dictator. She loves when I let her voice her opinion, tell her I understand, but then I tell her mine. I try to never over react to a situation, and either give or take to keep the balance. (Maybe it is more like a 52/48 balance, but 50/50 is easier to remember!)

Now that my red mare is jumping, we are having to visit this lesson all over again. Some days she is a little under powered and I have to encourage her to push harder and fill up all 50%, and some days she comes out ready to win the Olympics and I need to regain all 50% of my side. 

Like the rest of life, it's a balancing act. But I am determined to keep finding ways to be as clear as possible so that my red mare can relax into her simple, safe life and enjoy her job!