As all good horsemen know, horses appreciate it when the rules are black and white. They like to know who is in charge, because then they feel safe. They like boundaries and clear expectations. Most people who spend their down time around horses, though, seem to struggle with the true meaning of this.
Being clear isn't about being dominant. It is about having the confidence to say what you want boldly, believably, and "loud" enough for someone to be able to follow the directions. Horses naturally want to please us. They want us to keep their world simple and safe. So when we muddy the waters by sometimes having clear expectations and sometimes asking them for their opinion/leaving it totally up to them, they don't understand.
Being clear isn't about being dominant. It is about having the confidence to say what you want boldly, believably, and "loud" enough for someone to be able to follow the directions. Horses naturally want to please us. They want us to keep their world simple and safe. So when we muddy the waters by sometimes having clear expectations and sometimes asking them for their opinion/leaving it totally up to them, they don't understand.
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The books say that when we are riding, we want to seek out a soft connection in the bridle. This, to may riders, means that we have to always be super soft (read: unsteady) in the reins. I say, "you need to be as loud as they need you to be in order to hear you". As an instructor, if I were to sit in the corner of the arena and speak in my library voice, no one would want to ride with me because they wouldn't be able to understand their lesson. They would continually be asking me to repeat myself, or just guess at what I was saying the whole time. I need to speak as loudly as they need my to to hear their instructions or it's a waste of their time.
When I teach new riders, I encourage them to keep their elbows connected to their front pockets in order to create consistency in the bridle. Yes, their elbows should be elastic but the bit needs to not wiggle in the horses' mouth. When your elbows connect to your hips, then your reins connect to your legs and you can start to complete the circle. I see riders all the time where they are "riding them forward to the connection" but there is zero connection to ride toward. Only when you create a clear line of communication, and a set expectation of where the contact should be then you can ride their energy forward to it. If we are all seeking to have 100% contact, roundness, throughness... whatever you want to call it... then we need to be willing to pick up our 50% so that the horse can pick up theirs. I repeat, you need to be WILLING to pick up your 50% based on how loudly your horse needs you to, not how softly/strongly you want to. If you are only willing to be responsible for 30% (because you want to be soft like to book says) then you will never teach your horse how to pick up their 50%. If you aren't willing to push your horse to take their 50% and allow them to sneak an extra 15% on to your side (by curling wrists, low energy, long reins etc) then that's not going to work either. And for horses who tend to take more than their 50%, you need to find a way to regain balance... both literally in their body and in the relationship between the two of you... and take your 50% clearly so that there is no question.
When I teach new riders, I encourage them to keep their elbows connected to their front pockets in order to create consistency in the bridle. Yes, their elbows should be elastic but the bit needs to not wiggle in the horses' mouth. When your elbows connect to your hips, then your reins connect to your legs and you can start to complete the circle. I see riders all the time where they are "riding them forward to the connection" but there is zero connection to ride toward. Only when you create a clear line of communication, and a set expectation of where the contact should be then you can ride their energy forward to it. If we are all seeking to have 100% contact, roundness, throughness... whatever you want to call it... then we need to be willing to pick up our 50% so that the horse can pick up theirs. I repeat, you need to be WILLING to pick up your 50% based on how loudly your horse needs you to, not how softly/strongly you want to. If you are only willing to be responsible for 30% (because you want to be soft like to book says) then you will never teach your horse how to pick up their 50%. If you aren't willing to push your horse to take their 50% and allow them to sneak an extra 15% on to your side (by curling wrists, low energy, long reins etc) then that's not going to work either. And for horses who tend to take more than their 50%, you need to find a way to regain balance... both literally in their body and in the relationship between the two of you... and take your 50% clearly so that there is no question.
This idea of 50/50 should travel with you anywhere you go. My red mare loves when I am always the leader, but not a dictator. She loves when I let her voice her opinion, tell her I understand, but then I tell her mine. I try to never over react to a situation, and either give or take to keep the balance. (Maybe it is more like a 52/48 balance, but 50/50 is easier to remember!)
Now that my red mare is jumping, we are having to visit this lesson all over again. Some days she is a little under powered and I have to encourage her to push harder and fill up all 50%, and some days she comes out ready to win the Olympics and I need to regain all 50% of my side.
Like the rest of life, it's a balancing act. But I am determined to keep finding ways to be as clear as possible so that my red mare can relax into her simple, safe life and enjoy her job!
Now that my red mare is jumping, we are having to visit this lesson all over again. Some days she is a little under powered and I have to encourage her to push harder and fill up all 50%, and some days she comes out ready to win the Olympics and I need to regain all 50% of my side.
Like the rest of life, it's a balancing act. But I am determined to keep finding ways to be as clear as possible so that my red mare can relax into her simple, safe life and enjoy her job!
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